FIGHT CLUB BY CHUCK PALAHNIUK

[P]: Hello everyone. My name is [P].

Everyone: Hello [P]!

Leader of the group: And is there anything you want to tell us [P].

[P]: Uh, yeah, um, my name is P. and, ah, I’m a man

[The leader nods sympathetically. There are nervous whispers among the group. Barry raises his hand]

Leader of the group: Yes, Barry?

Barry: I’m also a man.

Leader of the group: Very good! That is the first time you’ve admitted that. Now, [P], tell us more about your condition.

[P]: I, erm, I get these, ah, these inclinations, these desires, um, like, I dunno, like I want to fight and shit.

Leader of the group: And how does that make you feel?

[P]: Christ, I, ah, well, it makes me feel big, like, important.

[Barry raises his hand]

Leader of the group: Yes, Barry?

Barry: I like to punch things.

Leader of the group: Thank you, Barry.

[P]: Yeah, and, sometimes, I feel like, I dunno, the world has gone all soft.

Leader of the group: You feel emasculated?

[P]: I guess so. You could say that, yes. I feel like everything is a bit, uh, gay or something, y’know? Like, spray-tans…I don’t get that. I mean, you look orange, dude, like a fucking spacehopper. And, er, waxing? Like, eyebrows and shit? Michael Jackson shit, that is.

Leader of the group: You don’t think men should wax?

[P]: No, I mean, men should look like men, right? Is that frowned upon now?

Leader of the group: You brought something with you to show the group, didn’t you?

[P]: Yeah. It’s a, uh, a picture.

Leader of the group: What is the picture of, [P]?

[[P] bends down and picks up a framed photograph from between his feet]

Leader of the group: Turn it around and show us please, [P].

[P]: [holding up the framed picture] This is Putin, my bear

Leader of the group: Your bear?

[P]: Yeah, I, um, I raised him, from a cub. We wrestle.

Leader of the group: Wrestle?

[P]: Yeah, I, ah, strip to the waist and we, uh, wrestle. It makes me feel…I dunno…good about myself.

Leader of the group: You feel insignificant?

[P]: Sometimes. I feel, um, alienated.

Barry: I FEEL LIKE SHIT!

Leader of the group: Barry! We do not tolerate outbursts! Carry on, [P].

[P]: I feel like shit sometimes too. I feel like everything is, uh, fake, airbrushed, unreal. Like, this room, these plastic chairs…where did you get these chairs?

[a girl at the back of the room raises her hand]

Leader of the group: Yes, Samantha?

Samantha: I don’t get it. Is he saying that he wants society to return to some mythical point when men were men and stank of sweat and everyone appreciated them for it and everything was made from the finest materials and lasted 600 years and women all worshipped the penis and…

Barry: I HAVE A PENIS!

Leader of the group: Barry!

Samantha: …and bar fights took place every night and everyone went hunting at the weekend and drank their own piss…

Barry: I FEEL LIKE SHIT!

Leader of the group: Barry, for fucks sake!

Samantha: …and there was no consumerism, like, no one ever bought anything and…

[a slow handclap starts up in the room]

Barry: ACKNOWLEDGE ME!!

Leader of the group: That’s quite enough! Everyone! Samantha! Barry! [Regaining composure] I think we should close the session for today

[a girl sitting to his left raises her hand]

Leader of the group: What is it, Beth?

Beth: I know you said we’re done and all, but I wanted to ask a question

Leader of the group: Is it a sensible question?

Beth: Oh yes, quite sensible

Leader of the group: Go ahead, then

Beth: I know we don’t, like, judge here, and we all appreciate [P]’s honesty, but I just wanted to ask: shouldn’t he, um, just grow the fuck up?

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One comment

  1. Thanks for this! I got a few friends who insist me to read this book. I don’t even know why. So, I kinda have a question for you too. Did you read another Palahniuk’s books? Thank you.

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